Facing the future
When the water calms and a cancer patient has survived, family members will undoubtedly feel relieved. Still, life is never the same. Experts say about 80 percent of adults become depressed when their treatment ends. Families of young survivors have difficult adjustments to make as well. "They feel that suddenly no one is watching out for their child," explains Hogen. "They are weaned from the support that bound their anxiety. Teens can't wait to stop treatment; parents worry for their rest of their lives."
If an adult or child has a cancer recurrence, gearing up for more therapy can be tough for the family. "Cancer treatment often brings peaks and valleys of emotion," says Rosenblatt. "Some reach a point where they can't take any more treatment because it is too emotionally painful."
She emphasizes that if a patient nears the end of life, it is important to control physical, emotional, and spiritual pain for all, and give the family a chance to say good-bye. "The family suffers when the patient is suffering, so that's when palliative care or hospice enters in," Rosenblatt says.
Mike Fiacco says that even though his son is now healthy, the family will be changed forever. "To this day I cannot tell my wife, 'Everything is going to be all right,' because I said that about Michael, and he got cancer. After his many hospitalizations, our 6-year-old daughter Ariana is still uneasy being separated from us."
Fiacco adds that the cancer experience distances him from friends and colleagues, who, try as they may, can't understand unless they have been through it themselves. "When I look around, I see people with the wrong priorities. You don't understand the fire unless you've walked through it."
Participating in Dana-Farber events is one way the Fiaccos stay connected to others who have faced cancer. Despite his weakness from surgery and chemotherapy, Michael Fiacco Jr. stepped up to the plate in August 2002 as part of John Hancock Fantasy Day at Fenway Park. Today his dad, who hopes to start a foundation to assist other families in his shoes, says, "I would lose everything I have just to see my boy playing T-ball. It's a different way of winning."
As Stephen Brennan prepared to undergo a stem cell transplant last August, he and Karen said they felt "cushioned" by the love of their four adult children, four grandchildren, extended family, and church. "Your compassion goes out to others who have similar or greater challenges," he notes.
The Dodds have harnessed the energy they once devoted to Isabelle's care to soothe the cancer experience for other families. Their Friends for Life foundation supports neuroblastoma research, partially through the Pan-Massachusetts Challenge, a bike-a-thon that raises money for DFCI. Michael and Denyse are riders; Oliver sells lemonade at the finish.
Michael recently wrote and illustrated a kids' book about cancer, and the family revisits Children's once a month for a program called "Hospital Campers," which offers newly diagnosed families a chance to meet with others who have ended treatment.
Now 3 years old and healthy, Isabelle Dodd says, "Who, me, sick? What are you talking about?" Yet every day, her parents remember her cancer and worry that it will come back, or that Isabelle may suffer long-term effects from her treatment. They have returned to sailing, but like other families who have confronted cancer, they remain vigilant and work hard to keep their boat steady.
