Linda Legendre
Transforming her role as healer
Surgery and a G-tube
As the radiation part drew nearer, it was time for the G-tube. I felt a host of emotions during the entire treatment, and anger was clearly one of them. Since there was really no one to be angry with and no one to blame for the place I found myself, it was a harder feeling to resolve. I'm sure I directed some of that anger at the doctors, and I will be forever grateful that they continued to care for me in their same wonderful way.
Other than the day of my diagnosis, I never worried that much about having cancer or about dying. I worried about what the treatment was going to do to me. My daily rhythms had been disturbed during the chemotherapy, affecting eating, sleeping and mental function. I had made a life of doing all I could to maintain a very high level of good health, and I was now about to start radiation, which felt so dangerous. More than once I asked if I could have just a little less than the dose they were recommending. I always got the same answer. Go for it now because the cure rates have been so encouraging.
The day before the surgery for the tube was my most intense and anxious day. All the pre-op details and waiting just increased the dread I had been feeling. A special honor goes to my sister who took me into Boston for this procedure and kept me in one piece. When I woke up from anesthesia, I realized that it had been the thought of the tube driving me crazy more than the actual experience of having one. I sort of made peace with it, and with all the 90 to 100 degree days we had that summer, I would never have been able to hydrate myself without it. I also would have taken much longer to recover from the effects of the radiation, given the significant decline in desire and ability to eat that started by week three of radiation.
Next page: Radiation
